Woman = Human.

by Chelsea Hui (@_chelseahui)

cw: sexual assault and violence

Image Source: Bigstock

Maria Thattil's recent experiences regarding the sexually explicit and objectifying messages she was exposed to after accidentally being added to a boys’ group chat is, in fact, an age-old tale, one that too many women have encountered and been told to accept and normalise.

As someone who has had experiences with sexual assault, I found the story to be, not only disturbing, but indicative of a much larger issue than many make it out to be. The reduction of women to sexual objects existing purely for male pleasure and consumption is undoubtedly a dominant contributing factor to the abuse and violence that women experience on a daily basis in our society. To those who seem convinced that these two things are unrelated, my question is this:

How do we allow our boys to degrade women as if they are nothing, and expect them to grow up to be men that treat women with respect?

Over the past few days, what has shaken me even more than the contents of the text messages, is actually the string of excuses that have followed. The continual justification of these toxic behaviours as “just a joke” speaks to the lack of accountability and responsibility we place on men when it comes to issues regarding women and exposes our culture's tendency to silence women who speak out against unacceptable behaviour. Let's be very clear: it is not a joke that one woman a week is murdered by her current or previous partner. Nor that one in five women experience sexual violence since the age of 15. There is nothing funny about any of it. And these “little jokes” are the foundation from which the next generation of boys will learn that female = lesser than.

What has also been puzzling throughout this wider discussion of gender-based discrimination and violence, is the use of male related issues as a rebuttal for women sharing their stories. The “what about violence against men?” or “women do it too”, as if any of these issues are less important than the other and cannot be cared about simultaneously. If the only time you bring up violence against men or men’s mental health, (two extremely serious and important issues, neither of which are reflected enough in conversations and in the media), is in response to a woman telling her story and calling out bad male behaviour, then it is hard to convince me or anyone that you care about those issues at all. And rather, are using them to silence and invalidate someone else’s experience.

While the conversations that have taken place over the last few days have been confronting and draining for many, the overwhelming amount of women who have come forward to share their own stories is the hope we need to continue this fight. I have had several exchanges with women in my own life about their experiences with discrimination, assault or abuse, and it has been both emotional and empowering being able to engage in a much needed discussion and provide support to one another. This instance is certainly not isolated nor is it new, and rather, has reignited a conversation women have been fighting to have for years.

So, I want to speak to the men who have made it this far. You are the ones who I am asking to join the conversation. This discussion is not about condemnation or divisiveness. It is a chance to do better. I, too, have taken a step back to examine what more I can do to help better this situation, and have reflected on instances where I stood silent at the expense of other women. So, I ask you to look at your own group chats, and reflect on the conversations you are having, the language you’re using when discussing women, the people you are surrounding yourself with. Call out your friends and family for sexist language and behaviour. Educate yourself on the issue, do your research, speak to the women around you about their experiences. If you’re in a position to do so, speak to your schools and workplaces about sexual misconduct and how we can work together to create a safer, more inclusive space for everyone. There is so much more work for all of us to continue doing, so I ask you to examine what part you can play in it.

You don’t need to have a sister or a girlfriend to be an ally or to understand the struggle women are facing. You just need to listen, take responsibility for your individual role and understand that Woman = Human, and nothing less.